there's a downside to looking sane and non-violent

Ok, so I’ve been experiencing a rather annoying phenomenon since moving to New York. No, I’m not adopting an accent or developing a fan page for the Knicks, Yankees or Mets. This has to do with the many, many times I’ve been approached by complete strangers who either decide to unload their life-stories, opinions, advice, or pleas for assistance on me without any discernable reason.

The most recent incident occurred last night at CVS. I was excited to be shopping there because I secretly love drug stores for all the visual stimulation and the spectrum of eccentricities embodied by their patrons.  Plus I had at least ten things I had to get, like hair dye, mascara, eye shadow, moisturizer, and toilet paper (BTW, why does it seem like these expensive “necessities” always run out at the same time? I think they have meetings in the cabinet and discuss strategy). All fun stuff (well, not necessarily the toilet paper, unless you find that exciting), and I had a cornucopia of coupons I had slaved over collecting and matching to what I needed (I ended up saving about $15, so I treated myself to some self-tanning lotion for the cruise. Now I will only be Casper’s slightly darker cousin). 

Anyways, as I was considering the merits of odor-blocking white trash bags with drawstrings over heavy duty black garbage bags with flaps, I was approached by a woman who evidently didn’t speak English. At first all I sensed was a presence to my left, which within the narrow aisles of CVS is just a cue to move out of the person’s way, so i did so. Scooting up closer to the shelves, now face-to-face with the trash bags, I again began my decision making process, when the presence moved closer still, adding a “help me?” to the movement. I look over to the presence and see a woman in a head covering and dress looking at me with a cross between puppy dog eyes and wariness. I didn’t know what to say, so I raised my eyebrows and looked askance at her (FYI, that’s the universal non-verbal translation of “can I help you?”).

“You come with me?”

“Um…sure? Why?”

“I show you.”

“Um…ok….you know I don’t work here, right?”

Nods, gestures for me to follow her. Curiosity gets the better of my sense of self-preservation and hearing my mom say “Don’t accept candy from strangers.”

I follow her into the next aisle, pushing my little granny cart, and she stops and looks at an empty space in the shelves, surrounded by lots of baby diapers and wipes. She looks at me, looks at the empty space, looks back at me, then nods back to the empty space. At this point I’m wondering if I am on that “What would you do?” TV show where they see how people react to certain uncomfortable or controversial situations. Not that that was why I decided to help her, but still.

I try asking her what she needs, and all she does is point to this hook on the shelf that must’ve, at one point, held 99 cent CVS brand wipes, and says “Is gone?”

How do you answer that when it is very clear by the lack of anything hanging on the hook, that, Yes, they’re gone? How that absence didn’t translate, I don’t know.

So I ask her if she wants those wipes, she says yes. I go to the main area of wipes just down the aisle to see if there are any there, which of course there aren’t. Then I wonder if CVS gives rain checks. But how to communicate “rain check” to this woman?  So I somehow motion to her to stay in the aisle while I went to the front to ask. I found an employee on my way and asked him, and he seemed to understand the concept, but was unsure if it applied to all products. So I led him to the aisle where the woman still waited, looking abandoned because she didn’t seem to understand that I was coming back. Once I pointed out the products in question to the employee, I left him to it. And went back to comparing trash bags. Which I didn’t even get there because they didn’t carry Force-Flex.

Why did I find this whole exchange strange? Because this happens a great deal to me. At the gym, people always to want to chat me up (and usually it’s a geriatric who’s fooling himself into thinking doing some weight lifting is going to turn back the clock), despite my headphones and my ultra-determined to work up a sweat facial expressions (which, to be fair, may seem ultra-determined in my mind, but in reality may say “please, come talk to me, I have nothing better to do.”) Or at the Laundromat, the owner tells me about stores that have the best deals; or when I buy a billion Monster drinks from the market I get a questioning look from the clerk. “They’re for my husband. He’s really old and slow and needs all the help he can get.” Yes, I say that, because he’s not there to defend himself. That’s how I roll.

But seriously, what is this about? When I need help getting something from a high shelf, I look to the nearest person who seems tall enough to do the job and sic my puppy-dog eyes on them. Or I just jump up and down trying to reach for it until someone comes to my rescue. I don’t go seeking someone out from the next aisle. I don’t bother people at the gym unless I need help. I may smile and say good-morning if I make eye-contact with someone accidentally, but I try to keep to myself. What is it about me that makes people gravitate to me. I guess I should take it as a compliment that I don’t look insane or violent or mean or drugged out, and I do, and I’m not complaining per se, it’s just weird.

Any of you have this happening in your life?

P.S.
I added more photos to “camera happy.” All of them are already on my FB, so nothing new. This is just for my grandma. What-up grandma? That’s “Hi, Grandma” in our young persons vernacular. Love you!